Depression and anxiety are such fickle things. 

 

One minute you’re happy as can be, and the next, your world is ending. 

 

Yesterday, my best friend gave me a very early Christmas present because she just couldn’t contain herself anymore. What was it you may be asking yourself? 

 

A PERSONALIZED VIDEO FROM MY FAVORITE ARTIST EVERRRRRRRR.

 

When I tell you I cried real tears, I mean it. I was SO surprised and happy and crying and hugging my bestie over and over. 

 

Then after leaving her to go back to work (we work opposite schedules, boo), I went to HomeGoods and Michael’s Craft Store to look at Christmas stuff and see if anything stuck out to me. 

 

Only 1 little black metal tree with tree shaped cutouts that lights up stood out to me. I love the color black and I like my stuff to match my “theme”. Dark. Lol. 

 

So I came home all happy about my present, and my new Christmas tree decor, and had a good evening. 

 

Insert the next day. Sunday. The Monday of my week. 

 

Usually Sundays are pretty chill because it’s just me, my small crew, and not nearly as much chaos going on as the rest of the work week. 

 

So you’d think after a great day the day before, and a chill day today, I’d be in good spirits, right?

 

You’d be wrong. 

 

Wrong-O. 

 

I was fine getting up and getting ready for the day, and getting the work day started. 

 

(Granted I also started my “time of the month” this morning, I feel like this contributes to how I’m feeling)

But soon I felt the oh-so-familiar feeling of depression slowwwwwly sinking in. 

 

Anxiety usually likes to tag along with it. They seem to always be together. 

 

And I am sitting here (as I am typing this) feeling like I could cry and speed home in my car. 

 

But why? Why do I feel so bad when I had an AMAZING day yesterday, a nice evening, a decent morning, and am not swamped and overwhelmed with work? 

 

My best answer? 

 

Beats me. 

 

I truly have no answer for why I feel like this. All I want to do is go home and plant my last 2 plants in soil and perlite, and check on the rest of them. (I do enjoy being a plant mom hehe).

 

I’ve never been particularly good at isolating triggers for my feelings. Never. So I honestly couldn’t tell you why I feel like a shell of myself when I’ve got so much good going on around me. 

 

I should also probably be going back to therapy. It’s been a few months. But I cannot pay off my dues to be able to see her, so it’s still on the back-burner for now. 

 

And I can’t say that I WANT to stay miserable. I’ve got a whole 10-list of dream boards for what I want to accomplish in my life. How I want to “be”. WHO I want to “be”. 

 

I’ve got so many goals and ambitions. Just can’t seem to get them started. Guess that’s gonna be a part of my journey on getting “better”.

 

Thanks for just letting me rant this week! See ya!