If you have anxiety, of any kind, you know how many different ways people have told you how to “cure” your anxiety, or how to “calm down”. 

And you, as well as I do, know usually NONE of these phrases/words/techniques work. 

So, what have I heard over the past 16 years that resonate with you? Cause I feel like I’ve heard them all at this point. But I’ll give you my top 8 for now 🙂

1. Calm Down

2. Breathe

3. Stop panicking

4. Why are you acting like this?

5. Just take some chill pills

6. Just get over it

7. It’s not that big of a deal

8. Can you stop making a scene?

So let’s start from the beginning and work our way down, so maybe those who do not have anxiety, can better understand where we are coming from, and maybe you can use these tips to help EXPLAIN how you feel to your friends/family/co-workers/etc.

1 – “Calm Down”. I know we’ve ALL heard this one at some point in our journeys. (It’s one of my pet peeves). But to be honest, I’ve accidentally said the exact same thing to others who were going through a similar situation. Sometimes people do not know what to say in an emotionally heightened situation. And that’s ok. But maybe remind those around you that “calm down” does not work as easily as they think it does. If we had that ability, we wouldn’t have anxiety, now would we? HAHA! 

2 – “Breathe”. Now this one is a double edged sword sometimes. It’s another response like “calm down” but in a way, learning PROPER breathing techniques can actually reduce anxiety/panic attacks. In some cases, that is. 

3 – “Stop Panicking”. This one just angers me to my core. IF I COULD STOP PANICKING, I WOULD! I do not want to be feeling like the world is ending and I’m about to die (even though it’s not and we aren’t, our minds/bodies don’t like to believe us). 

4 – “Why are you acting like this?”. WELL IDK SHEILA. WHY DON’T YOU DIAGNOSE ME WITH THAT PSYCHIATRIST DEGREE YOU HAVE?! Oh wait, you don’t have one. To be honest, I don’t know exactly WHAT my triggers are most times. I know I definitely have social anxiety. But the other causes? I have still yet to figure those out. So to be asked WHY I might be pacing, hiding in a corner, or hell, even crying, can be a real put down. 

5 – “Just take some chill pills” – This one is for those of us on medications meant to treat anxiety. Especially benzos, get a bad rap for these being “chill pills” and you just take one and within 15 minutes you INSTANTLY feel better. That’s not always how they work. And we know that, but others don’t. So it’s important that we tell them that meds are not always a go-to quick fix. 

6 – “Just get over it” – I haven’t heard this one in a looooooong time, thankfully. Because I have friends and family who love me and would never say this to me. But I have heard it before from classmates, co-workers, omg even TEACHERS. This is NOT something you say to ANYONE with anxiety, let alone any mental disorder.

7 – “It’s not that big of a deal” – That may be correct. I’ve had an anxiety attack just walking from my car to my friends front door because there were people outside who could see me. So, no, not everything that triggers my fight or flight response is a “big deal” but my body and mind make it seem that way. And we need others to understand that and work with us until we can calm down or conquer our fears. 

8 – “Can you stop making a scene?” – Most of the time, those with anxiety do NOT like being the center of attention. So if we are getting told that we are “making a scene” by the way we are acting? It makes us feel as though ALL EYES ARE ON US all of a sudden. And that’s just what we want, right?

These are the top 8 “remedies” from people without anxiety.

Not saying they all mean ill of us, they just do not understand. And I think that explaining to them that these phrases do NOT help us calm our anxiety/panic, could help a lot. 

Explain to them what you are experiencing. How it feels. How you see things. That may help them see your point of view instead of giving basic answers. 🙂

xo ~ Kayla